Thursday, July 16, 2009

Two Weeks.

Well, two weeks from today is the big day. I mentioned it pretty quickly in an earlier post, but my surgery date is Thursday July 30th. They haven't scheduled the actual time of day yet, apparently. I have a pre-surgery meeting on the 22nd, perhaps they'll reveal it then....? I need to ask some pre-pre-surgery questions.

For the most part I'm operating (heh) on a low-level amount of stress at this point, just sortof waiting for the day to get here. I freaked out a little yesterday evening, when I was at Big Longs buying two of those weekly pill boxes (you know, they have a little box for every day of the week.) It really hit me then: I'll be taking pills for the rest of my life. I know, I know, I'm a giant baby about it - lots of people have lots of problems that are so much worse than mine. But still - two months ago life was easy street, and in two weeks I'll be without a vital organ. Assuming all goes as planned, I expect to recover pretty quickly and be back at work in a week or so (semi-part-time, maybe.) But it's just so weird to feel that I have all my parts right now, and two weeks from today there's no going back: I'm tied to the medical establishment forever. I can't even hold on to my long cherished wish to time-travel. (This is a far more crushing realization than you can probably fathom.)

But these are ultimately the complaints of a privileged person. If I take the time to think, I realize that this is just the way my life was always going to go, and down the line I'll look back and think "Yeah, that happened" but will probably not miss the old me so very much. Tho even typing that made me start to tear up, because I don't want to say goodbye to this me, now. It's not the old me yet, it's just "me" - and I wish this didn't have to happen.

This time next year I'm expecting to be in a much better place, damn it.

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